25 lessons I learned at 25;

There are many reasons why my 25th year was my best year. Before I turned 25, I would have argued that being 1 was my best year alive on account of having a non-existent memory cortex and only eating and vomiting all day. But I believe that 25 was my best year, thus far.

It could be my fully developed brain finally allowing me to actually make good decisions for myself and my life, or it could be the major life 180° I made in my 25th year. If I had to guess it would be the first option, but we will never truly know. So here are 25 lessons I recorded throughout the year that I want to share with you.

1. My life is for me alone. Maybe this is a ‘in your 20s’ mantra, but while I am in my 20s I am going to be the most selfish, most narcissistic person you’ve ever met. And all people in their 20s should be this way, we are getting it out of our systems while we still are young and have no children or spouses. So next time you see an insanely selfish 24 year old, thank them and remember it’s better to be selfish at 24, than entitled and hateful at 36. 

2. Fall in love with reading. As someone with ADHD, reading was oftentimes a burden for me. I would read the same page of a book, 5 times over and over, and try to scrape together a meaning from fragments of words. As an actualized person now, I learned the things that can help me read, like sound proof headphones and reading on a device rather than an actual book. Read a book from someone else’s perspective; I promise it will make you a better person.

3. Be a life long learner. Admit to yourself that you will never know everything. This admission should propel you into a space of wanting to forever learn everything you can about everything you can learn. 

4. I am so much more beautiful without makeup. I used to cake my face with makeup every day, in a cycle of break out, cover, breakout cover. Now i feel my most beautiful with the teeniest amount of make up or even none at all. 

5. I used to feel embarrassed by old photos of myself. Thinking I looked ugly, or clumsy, now I see photos of myself at the awkward middle school age and am overwhelmed by a feeling of love and joy. 

6. Using less and less drugs and alcohol. This one is pretty self explanatory, I try to go through periods of time being completely sober, 

7. No more pretending. When I see someone from my past who hurt me I refuse to greet them with fake niceties - normally I am the person screeching ‘hey girl!!!!’ at someone i’ve only met once but at 26 I want all that energy for myself. And you should too.

8. I have an auto immune disorder. I spent most of the 24th year of my life with my hair coming out in patches and my skin bleeding raw at night. I've burned precious hours of my life in doctor’s offices, trying strange diets and avoiding certain clothes because I figured they were the cause of my turmoil. At 26, I finally feel secure in my health and it was not an easy process. But prioritize your wellbeing; when you don’t have your health, you have nothing. 

9. Friends are the reason for life. Significant others will come and go. Bosses or coworkers will move up or get fired. Family members will argue with you and weaponize your relationship. Chosen friends are all we have. They are the ones sending voice memos at 2am, or consoling you when you cry about the same thing 10000 times or trying to make you laugh when you are anxious. My friends are my real true family. 

10. Small group of close friends > big group of acquaintances

11. I want to travel more and I’m going to do it. I don’t need a fancy car or fancy clothes or a new computer. I need to see more of this world and eat new foods and see new places and meet new people. 

12. Comparison is the death of joy. I’ll write it again, Comparison is the death of joy. This body is all we have. My brown hair is never going to start growing blonde. My skin is never going to be flawless and silky smooth. I have scars and bumps and my body is mine and I love it so much. It has been here with me for my entire life. Through every flu or cold, through every night I fell asleep wishing I would wake up a different person, through every surgery I have ever had- it’s been here with me healing and growing. 

13. Life is going to change so much. In just 7 months you can lose everyone you love and get fired and get diagnosed with a sickness you never heard of and become a completely new person. Do what makes you happy and what brings you peace. 

14. Your time and energy are sacred. A majority of my issues when I was younger stemmed from wanting everyone to like me. News flash, not everyone is going to like you. Most people won’t! And that’s okay! Protect your energy and your peace and everything will be okay. 

15. People can’t really change. They can learn and go to therapy and heal- but their core, their soul, that can’t truly change. If you are asking someone to make changes for you, and they never do the things you are asking, then you must accept that is something that will never change. Accept people for who they are and move on if they aren’t meeting your needs. 

16. Nothing truly amazing happens inside of your comfort zone. This one is so hard for me, I hate change and I love being comfortable. But man oh man, the things that I have done that were so scary were always the things that made me a better person. Making a big move, accepting a new job, deciding to live alone- all of these things were so scary but made my life so much better. 

17. Have multiple and varied hobbies. Practice them like self care. 

18. SOCIAL MEDIA IS DEATH. Take many long breaks from social media. Practice being alone. It makes you a better person. 

19. Sometimes you meet people for no reason. I swear this year I have met more new people than I have in past years. And I am a clinger, when I meet someone I really like, I cling to them and want to be around them a lot. But I am learning to accept meeting people for no reason, being with them, and letting them go. Maybe they will come back into my life, but maybe not. Let people move in and out of your life like waves in the ocean.

20. I will always protect the women in my circle. Your relationship with the women in your life are the most sacred relationships in your life. I often feel that way when I am with 3-4 of my girlfriends- it’s a feeling men will never ever understand. As women we need to protect each other, especially when everyone around us seems to be stripping us of the things that make us special. (Including the current government).

21. I am so grateful to be able to age. Another year alive means another year that I get to try new things and meet new people. And some people aren’t given the gift of aging. I am so grateful to be alive. 

22. Giving grace constantly. Do yourself the kindness of patience and time. Don’t rush yourself or put unreachable goals on your shoulders. You are human and just trying your best. 

23. I can love more than one person at a time. I have enough love in my heart to give love to my family, my friends, my students, my partner and myself. I used to think there wasn’t enough love in my heart for all of these things, but there is. 

24. I love living alone. I thought I would never be able to live alone. I get scared when I am left alone to my own thoughts and feelings. But man, oh man do I love living alone. I love coming home after work and getting to do whatever I want. I love not speaking to anyone when I am tired. I love leaving dishes in the sink when I am too stressed to do them. I love my alone time more than ever now. 

25. Finding new purpose; losing things to love new things. This one is the hardest on this list. Everything I have ever loved has me all over it. It’s hard for me to move on and forget something or someone that I used to love. But when you let something or someone go, it makes room for something new to love.